Down about love
I feel so depressed. I try to talk out my problems with my boyfriend. He is of no help! He got pissed and got off the phone. How can we fix our problems by not working them out!. I fee so sad. The one person you want to have your back brings you down!

I've got to get some things off my chest about my conversation with my boyfriend last night.  I feel like he does not get me at all.
So, last night we were talking & he brought up us going snow mobiling in the past.  It was aweful we went snow mobiling on vacation.  I was in dyer pain.  I was in so much pain it got to be were I felt faint & could not control my driving of the snow mobile.  We I was driving along & I got stuck in the snow.  Ugh it sucked.  I was totally exhausted & it was the second time for me to get stuck in the snow within 20 min.  The leader f the group kept yelling at me to get up and walk.  I could hardly stand, my back was killing me.  I was in so much pain, I was exhausted & was just wanted to say yal go off without me I'll just stay here & die.

So, last night I was explaining to my boyfriend when he came over to me to help me back to where the rest of the group was that I could not walk I could hardly even stand up.  My back was killing me.  so, I was telling my boyfriend I just wanted to lay there & die & that maybe in 20-30 years he will be in so much pain from being older that he will understand how I felt.  Then He just started saying yeah yeah yeah yeah in a funny voice making fun of me.  I think that is terribly rude of him & mean.  It's clear he does not get how much pain I'm in or I would think he would not mock me.  I wish he would quit being a dick like this.

Blues depressed
I feel so depressed, my body hurts so bad. It's been hurting for days. I feel so alone that no one gets my struggles with pain. My pain makes me no able to live a normal life. I can't work so I'm fucking poor. I need new winter shoes my old ones are two years old and insoles are worn out....I can't afford new ones and its depressing me going out places wearing flip flops in winter. My feet are cold and I feel like I look like a loser. I just feel like crying I feel my life is hopeless. I wish and hope things will get better i keep trying but only small changes happen. I want a miracle to come my way..take my depression and pain away. sad just want to cry trying to hold it in.....

I wish you loved me the way I love you.  I feel I have a block in letting you go where I just cant get over you.  I'm thinking to myself how stupid this is...wasting all my time thinking of you.  You are never going to truly be mine.  YOu will always pick someone else over me.  I do love you I know I do, but that is just not enough.  I deserve better.  I deserve to be loved back fully.  I guess I just wished things were different.  I wish I did not have an injury, then maybe I could be what you really want, but I guess that is just not me.  I wish I was rich then maybe you'd like me more.  I wish I could work & creat an amazing business then maybe you'd be attracted to me...right? that is why you love her and picked her over me..?I feel it is.

All I can do is my best

dream of you
I had a dream about you.

We meet & I was so happy to meet you.  I was so happy to be spending time with you.  I loved you.  You took me back to your place where there was a beautiful blonde with long hair.  She was just gorgeous.  Your friend was there too.  We all talked & I just thought the blonde was awesome.  She was funny, clever, & beautiful.  I knew before you told me she was your girlfriend.  I still loved you & felt so envious of her.  She let me know in her own sexual way she was a lesbian.  She had you fooled.  She did not even like having sex with you.  I pretended I liked her just for you.  Before I knew it your girl had me wrapped around her finger just so I could get to you, but I never did.

you & her while I'm on th backbence
So you write on me facebook that you still love me.  Then I ask about you and tell me you dont know how long this is going to last with her maybe two months.  Then next day you say to me I"m going to see how this goes....he picked her over me.  I hate it.  why would he pick her over me.  I just want to say that to him you picked her over me you will get bored with her....and when you come back I hope I'm gone!

I still think of him.  It's mostly when I"m in alot of pain & feeling down.  I guess I was not good enough for him.  I can't think of anything else....

I just im him on fb and said you picked her over reply shit head!

rant time:
well the hell with you, you son of a bitch.  You suck.  you're a lair you told me you would come see me.  I'd have your baby & get married...move to ca to be with you.  well lets face it you're just a fake ass liar, how can I ever trust you again...telling me you love me while you have a rich gf that is young that you fuck....I can't trust you.  YOu went against everything we talked about. we had bonded but now we are fuck you fucking liar

you must think i'm stupid or nieve for falling for your tricks,but at least I'm an honest genuine person so go fuck off.  have fun with your oh so boring bitch.  her words hurt my ear when she speaks  like nails on a chalk bored....

this is so depressing
this is so depressing, this hurts so much.  I feel he picked her over me.  It has been what over 4 years and he picks this boring ass pretty bitch.  I feel I hate her for this.  I should really hate him.  He has hurt me over and over...why do I still care? what is it about him that keeps me going back. what should I do?  Will anything I do make anything different.  I feel the answer is no, I can't fix this problem I can't change this situation.  I can't change how I feel.  & I can't change the damn truth, because the truth is he is with her.  He is with her for a reason....he wants to be with her....I feel I am not good enough some how. Why am I not good enough I wonder?  Why have I never been good enough.  I was only good enough to talk to, to lie to, for him to pretend he loves and cares about this how someone treats you that loves and cares for you they run off with some other bitch and date her?  I've got to give up, it's been 4 years of never me only me for a few months while he is lonely.  I want to change, but in the same sense I dont want to change.  I want him to come for me.  Is this a fantasy of mine.  The facts are he will never be mine.  We will never be together.  Why can't I walk away?  Why won't I walk away.  I've got to give up on him & me forever nonsense...any normal person would realize give it up.

suffering depression
I suffer from depression.  I think I'm depressed because of my inability to be normal.  I have chronic pain, so I dont work.  I really just want a normal life.  I don't want to wake up in pain.  I dont want to be single at age of almost 29.

People don't understand my pain.  I hate it.  I thought I was going to have this amazing future.  I had no idea I'd be spending my late twenties at home. blah

Thank God for anti depressants.  Lexapro is going to be my best friend.  I hope she cheers me up soon.

I'd like to say this to my ex!

You said you were the nicest guy I'd ever meet.  Who were you kidding? me.  Because that sure was a joke.  You're cold hearted prick.

I feel you were fake because if you were the person I thought you were then you would have never treated me this way.  All I wanted was to be loved by you and treated well.  Yes, I was depressed, but I can't help it.  I've been trying very hard to jump out of this depression and everything I do has not helped me escape it.

I'm lonely and depressed. I miss you. But, I know I cant get back with you because you would just leave me once more, so whats the point thats not how you treat someone. I really hope you feel bad about how you've treated me.  When I needed someone the most you left me, you're not even as strong as a little boy you're a straight up wuss and you're pretty selfish too. And may I add mean!

Writer's Block: I see you
When, if ever, is it okay to snoop on your significant other? Have you ever?

Whenever you want to lol. I feel that if you're married you should not hide stuff from each other. We should all have a certain amount of indepence so we can keep in touch of who we are. But, I think we check up on each other to make us feel better or more secure.

I think one way to feel secure in a relationship is to share everything passwrods to email or whatever. That way they know you're not hiding anything.

anyway, if Im in a relationship and he is cheating I am going to snoop that is just me. You never know when someone is cheating and if you feel that hint they're why not look into it. No reason to find out years later and feel stupid about it


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